I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize