so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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