I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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