She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
