It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
