There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
