this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
