it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
