ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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