nut hugger
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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