Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My hand turned me down
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
