when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
