Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
