I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
