Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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