he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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