better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
