I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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