i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
