2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
