No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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