I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
