Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
