I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize