You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
