Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize