I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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