wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
