I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
