her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
