I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
