dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
