I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
