He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
