i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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