jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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