Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
