Will you blow on my dice?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
