i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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