Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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