I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize