Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
