yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I am one with the molecules
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
