we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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