my phone needs a breathalizer
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
