New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
