i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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