Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
