Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
