it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
