i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
