All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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