then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish you could order shots online.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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