My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
