I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
