i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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