I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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