Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize