Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
