nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize