You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
