I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
