cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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