I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
