so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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