i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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