my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
