he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
