Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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